Daddy Issues Read online

  God. I need to get ahold of myself. Or do I? On one hand, this is normal on some level. I’m forty-one, and he’s…twenty-two, I think. If we were, say, a male doctor and a female yoga instructor, nobody would bat an eyelash. May-December is totally normal in most circles.

  But technically, he is still my former stepson. What would his mother think? What would this family think? You can’t move from a woman to her son. That’s weird, right? Or is it like the first option, where we barely have a connection anymore, and we’re just two guys on vacation who have a slight chance of blowing each other’s minds with our dicks?

  Whatever the case, there’s a definite energy here. An electricity. And a…well, a sense of danger, too. Because it is dangerous. Regardless of all the levels of nuance, Eliot is still the son of the woman I once married. Imagine if she found out that I’d accepted the invitation to Sara’s wake, only to fall for her own son. The thought alone terrifies me. This is wrong, right?

  If it is, wrong has never felt so good. And, holy shit – he’s already kind of hard.

  Yes, I can see it clearly – that cock is jammed upward in his khaki pants. He’s trying to hide the boner, but it’s clearly visible. Damn, and the shape of it – it’s not too long, but it’s thick, with a big head. I could have a world of fun with that thing over the course of this week.

  Wait – no I can’t. That would be inappropriate. Even though Sara’s instructions were to have the time of our lives, I doubt she meant for this to happen. This mountain air is getting to us already. I’ll just have to stay away from him.

  But in order for me to do that, he’s going to need to keep himself away from me, too. Because at this point I can already imagine how he would taste in my mouth, and that would be bad. Very bad…

  Suddenly our eyes meet again, my hazel fusing with his grey-blue. And this time, he doesn’t look away.

  Not until a guy walks over to him and grabs him gently by the arm, at least.

  Who the hell is this?

  Eliot Prince

  “Hey, who’s the hot daddy?”

  “Daddy?” I ask, startled, as my ex-boyfriend David (more on that later) comes over and glances toward Robert, who is just a stranger to him. I try not to react, but David nuzzles up to me anyway.

  “Yeah, you know, daddy,” David says. “It’s, like, slang. They say it in the clubs when you see a hot guy. Like, oh, fuck me, daddy!”

  “Oh, yeah, of course,” I say faintly. “Daddy. Um, I don’t know. Random guy. Why, what’s up?”

  “Bored,” he says. “And your Aunt Marjorie basically just told me my pants were too tight.”

  “Sorry,” I smile, relieved. So he didn’t notice much. “She’s really old, and also a bigot. You’ll get used to her.”

  “Ugh. Sure I will. Anyway, wanna go settle into our room now? We’ve got a long time to drink champagne, you know. And I was thinking, the…”

  I fade him out as I stare at Robert. Another complication in this unfolding mess is that I’ve brought along David, the guy I dumped last month. Well, correction: we dated for almost a year, and then he cheated on me. We’re still trying to work through the aftermath, I guess. On a rational level I know I never should’ve have taken him back, but what was a guy supposed to do? I loved him. Well – love, in present tense. I think. Now we’re trying to work things out, and we’re in some state of semi-togetherness. I knew he’d be heartbroken if I didn’t bring him on such a special trip, so here he is, along with the former stepdad I am suddenly and inexplicably fascinated by…

  And okay, I’m a bit spineless. Or a lot spineless. I know this is probably just making things more complicated, but I was raised in the South. Everything you’re taught is situated around keeping people comfortable, and never ruffling any feathers. David has a bit of a temper, and I was honestly nervous about his reaction if I didn’t bring him.

  But suddenly I want to start acting bolder than a peacock…

  Everything else fades into soft focus as I stare at Robert’s shoes. For a moment I wonder why he’s even here, but then I remember – of course he’s here. Grandma Sara loved Robert from the first moment they met. We later found out that she was a regular fag hag, and had a circle of young gay men come to her house every weekend, all of them drawn to her campy outfits and outrageous makeup and stories. She called all of them “my boys.” So naturally she would’ve been drawn to Robert. She just never told us what she saw in him until after the divorce. Sigh.

  And if only Grandma Sara knew what she was doing by inviting her incredibly sexy former son-in-law to this party, she’d die all over again…

  I correct myself once more. I can’t be thinking like that. It’s wrong. It’s weird. It’s unusual. And it’s…delicious, actually.

  “Eliot,” I hear someone say, and I look over and remember that David exists once again. Oops.

  “Oh, yeah, um. What?”

  “What are you staring at? What happened?”

  I swallow my lip at David’s question. Because I cannot admit the truth – that I have become engulfed by an insatiable need for my former stepfather – I play dumb and tear my eyes away.

  “Nothing, actually. Let’s go unpack. We’ve been here long enough.”

  And just like that, I tear myself away and leave the foyer. But horrifyingly, I am fairly certain I can feel Robert’s eyes on my back every step of the way.

  Robert Glazer

  I hold my breath as I watch Eliot out of the corner of my eye.

  His little boyfriend (or whatever he may be) is obviously obsessed with him, and is working hard to keep his attention. But Eliot doesn’t seem too into it. Actually, he seems to be into me. But still – Eliot brought someone here. That’s bad. Or good. Or – wait, I have no idea anymore, actually. But he’s not here alone.

  I study them harder as they talk. The boyfriend isn’t terribly sexy, and he has a bit of a beer belly, with teeth that aren’t totally straight. But I actually like that – it means Eliot isn’t a shallow little prick, like most kids these days. The boyfriend obviously treasures him, too – anyone would. And – oh, shit.

  Eliot glances at me one last time, clearly hot and bothered. The way his mouth is open, the way his eyes are hooded…it stirs something deep in me.

  Then he turns with a flourish and heads for the stairs, the boyfriend following somewhat desperately behind him. I angle my body away and sigh. I’m disappointed, I can’t deny it. But I do know that I will be seeing him again. And suddenly that’s not all I know.

  I have no idea how, but over the course of my stay here, I know that my path will cross with Eliot’s path. I have absolutely no idea how, but I just know this, as sure as I know the sun will rise over the lake in the morning. So the boyfriend can pull him away all he wants – I’ll be seeing him again. Somehow I am sure of it.

  I reach for some champagne and steel myself for tonight’s family dinner. Whatever happens, this is about to be one hell of a funeral.

  That’s when Eliot’s mother appears in front of me, a hand on her hip and a snarl on her lips. Oh, God. She didn’t see us, did she?

  I take a deep breath and face her. “Mary Kate! So good to see you again! We haven’t spoken in person since I was still identifying as a heterosexual!”

  “Are you really Robert?” she asks, poking me in the shoulder. We still email and text occasionally, and our banter has fallen into the brother-sister kind of thing.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You know what I mean. You look like you belong on the cover of a romance novel.”

  “Ha. Well, it’s amazing what can happen when you stop hating yourself – and get a little money, too. Mainly it gets you a personal trainer and some better clothes.”

  “Well, whatever,” she says, finally relaxing, as she leans in and hugs me. “Tell me,” she whispers into my ear, as her familiar smell envelops me. God, it feels good to be on such great terms with her again. I can’t deny that. “I know we’re friendly now. But do you think my
family is judging me for having my gay ex-husband here?”

  “Not any more than they’re judging me for showing up.”

  “But Mother loved you…”

  “I know. That woman gave me my first Barbra Streisand CD. I’ll always love her. I’m sorry, by the way.”

  “It’s okay,” she frowns. “She was in pain towards the end – I’m glad it happened pretty quickly. Did you see my son anywhere?”

  My heart stops, but I try to keep it casual. “Uh, yeah. I think he was hanging around some other guy. Who’s he, by the way?”

  “Ugh,” she sighs, “don’t even ask. He’s even thinking of – never mind. That’s Eliot’s mess to deal with. And speaking of transformations…”

  “I noticed,” I say, more than a little awkwardly. “He certainly…grew up. Looks nothing like you, though.”

  “And he never did. By the way, you heard about him, right? I guess you rubbed off a little fairy dust on him…”

  I cringe. Mary Kate means well, and has always meant well – I know that Eliot’s sexuality means nothing to her. But her language surrounding the gay issue has still always been a little…rough. People just don’t understand how they can come off sometimes. My own family is downright hateful, though, and when you’re gay in the South, you learn to take what you can get.

  “Yeah,” I force out. “Not sure it works that way, but…sure.”

  “Keep your eye on him this week, okay?” she asks, searching me. “Things are…well, news is coming, news that’ll change his life, and I’m a little…worried, I guess.”

  “News?” I ask. “Mary Kate – huh?”

  But her eyes cloud over. “Nothing,” she says. “Never mind. I’ll just see you at dinner…”

  She trails off and heads back to the champagne station, leaving an uneasy feeling in my stomach. She doesn’t seem like she’s in a great place, and the tone of that conversation was a little…off.

  But despite it all, I smirk to myself. Sure, I’ll keep my eye on him – and hopefully keep my hands off him, too.

  Eliot Prince

  David follows me up the wide staircase with the landing windows that overlook a fifty-mile mountain view, then climb a few more steps and turn down a musty-smelling hall with doors leading down almost as far as you can see.

  “Seriously,” David says, “what’s going on with you lately?”

  “Huh?”

  “Come on, tell me. You look so…torn. Still sad about Grandma Sara?”

  I roll my eyes as we turn into the room where we deposited our bags earlier. We’ve got a porch overlooking the lake, and the shower is big enough for sex. I made sure of that.

  “No, it wouldn’t be that. You met Sara. You know how she is. Or was, I mean. If she were here she’d probably shove a martini into my hand right now. It’s just…I don’t know.”

  In my head, all I can see are Robert’s eyes. But why?

  “Babe,” David says, “you can talk to me. I know things are weird, but…I’m still me.”

  I turn and glare at him, angry about the cheating all over again. “Are you, though?”

  He sighs. “Stop. I just wish you’d give me all your energy while you’re actually with me. I don’t know what you do on your own time. What, are you dating someone? Is it that guy who checked you out in Glow Bar the other weekend?”

  “What? I don’t even know who you’re talking about. David, I hate to break it to you, but you kind of lost the right to delve into my personal life when you fucked that random guy.”

  His shoulders fall. I want to feel bad for him, but he is the one who cheated on me, and also followed me here when I told him I wasn’t sure it was a good idea. Now we’re fighting again, just like I knew we would.

  But that’s not the reason I’m most disappointed he’s here. I am disappointed because I wanted to talk to Robert, and David’s presence made me too afraid.

  “Hey,” I say a little more jokingly, “don’t roll your eyes at me. Don’t act like it’s an inconvenience to you that you broke our relationship.”

  “Whatever,” he pouts. “Eliot, I told you. I really wanted to come here, but not if it was going to become one long punishment.”

  “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “Yes you do. I can’t relive what I did every day. I’m doing everything I can to repay you, but I don’t know what else I can do.”

  “Oh, well,” I say as I step into the bathroom to pee, losing interest in the subject by the second. Fuck – I can even feel that my briefs are wet with pre-cum. (I’m dripping with cum from my former stepfather at my grandmother’s funeral – this is going to be one long stay.)

  “I hate when you walk away from a conversation,” he pouts. “You know what? Why don’t you just go fuck that guy you kept making eyes at.”

  I freeze. “What?”

  “Come on, don’t play dumb. You two were bouncing off each other like bumper cars. Who is he?”

  Oh, God. This could be bad.

  “Shut up,” I say as casually as I can. “I was not even doing that.”

  “Yes you were. The gay guy with the business-y pants. Who was he?”

  Finally I try to throw him off by overcompensating. “Well that would be odd if I were eye-fucking him, as you claim, because for your information, he used to be married to my mom.”

  I hear him gasp a little. “What? And he’s…he’s gay?”

  “Well, he wasn’t out of the closet back then, obviously. And how did you know he was gay?”

  “Takes one to know one. Also…the way he was looking at you. But…wow. I didn’t even know your mom was married to anyone before Rick. You never told me.”

  “Why would I have? They got divorced, like, ten years ago.”

  “True. How’d she take it when he…you know, came out?”

  “Good and bad,” I say as my mind takes me back. “In the beginning she thought she’d been such a turnoff to him, he’d given up on women forever because of her. I had to explain how crazy that was, and soon she got over it and met Rick. Now they’re just friendly, I guess.”

  “Well he was looking at you, I swear,” he says as he digs through his suitcase. “Maybe he didn’t know who you were. You haven’t seen him since, right?”

  “Nope. And he was not looking at me! Maybe he was looking at you.”

  “Doubtful.” He gets this dreamy look. “And wow…all along, Eliot had a hot, gay dad. Who knew?”

  I turn and face him. “David, he is not my dad. He never was. He was barely married to my mom, and that was a decade ago. I barely knew him. My actual dad had full custody back then, too. Robert has never been any figure like that to me. He’s basically like anyone on the sidewalk these days. Can we drop this?”

  “Well why is he here, then?”

  “Grandma Sara loved him and probably requested that he come here. She was always very passionate about who she did and didn’t like.”

  “Well, by the looks of it, he’ll be ‘coming’ in a totally different sense, if he just looks at you long enough. Ha. Am I really going to have to compete for a guy against his father?”

  He’s laughing, but my spine stiffens. Is he really picking up on this already, or is he just joking?

  “And even if he doesn’t go after you,” he adds, “I’d still go after him.”

  “What?”

  “He’s hot as shit!” David cries. “No offense, but I’d like to call him daddy in bed once or twice, if you know what I mean…”

  My body stiffens. I know he’s teasing, but the only response I can manage is horrified silence.

  And a sense of jealousy, too. Which is even worse…

  We’re late for the cocktail hour before dinner, but it doesn’t matter – everyone is too drunk to notice. I am petrified of seeing Robert again, and also more than a little excited. But I don’t see him – and trust me, I look for him.

  But I have other worries. Quickly it becomes clear that my mom is drunk. Wasted, even. Everyone else took my grandma�
�s death fine, because she had eighty years of fun and then died somewhat quickly of natural causes. But I can tell my mom is drinking to ease the pain, and soon she comes over wearing a sombrero and holding a margarita in her hand.

  “Whew!” she says. “We’re going into town now! We’re hitting up all the bars, so drink some water and get in the van! You’ve got five minutes! We’re doing this one for Grandma Sara, yeah!”

  I knew we were kicking off the trip with a bar crawl, just as Sara would want, but I don’t want my mom to embarrass herself. So I lean into her ear.

  “Hey, Mom, you okay? Are you sure you don’t want to just nap while we all go out, something?”

  She blinks. Then she gets very serious for a moment. “Eliot, I just accompanied my mother’s body to a cremation room. You need to give me this. If I get out of control, I give you full permission to march me out to the van, but I think I’ll be fine. Just keep me away from Robert, okay?”

  I back up a few inches. “Huh? Why?”

  “He looks good. Very good. He hasn’t aged an hour. He looks so good, actually, I may try something – even though he’s a queen…”

  Mumbling to herself, she dances away, leaving me alone and mortified – because my mother and I are now officially lusting after the same guy.

  Finally I file outside and meet everyone in the circular driveaway. Of course, David is nowhere to be found, and as I stand and bite my nails I look over and realize I am directly next to Robert.

  Shit. My blood pounds, my forehead sweats. What do you say to someone whose penis you just saw?

  I don’t have time, anyway, because that’s when the rental vans pull up. And wouldn’t you be able to guess who I end up sitting right next to?