Curious Read online

  I look over. Our eyes meet. And suddenly I cannot deny something is happening here.

  Something…odd.

  I think of that article I found, but then I banish it from my mind again.

  I take a deep breath. For the first time in a long time I take the chance to study my best friend, to really study him. In a different way. Sure, I’ve known him forever, but I never really cared about his looks – until now. Until that article made me think about things a little differently…

  He’s six-foot-two, and his body is long and lean and a little muscular, too. He has the body every guy wants – not too big, but not small at all. He’s got short, wavy brown hair and eyes that are somewhere between hazel and light brown, depending on the light. But mostly what you notice about him is the sparkle – he has something nobody else does. He laughs louder and stares more intently and walks with more of a pep than other people do. I’ve known him since he moved nine houses down the street, back on Fincannon Road, in kindergarten. His house had blue shutters that were too bright, and I remember his parents never collected their newspapers, resulting in a constant soggy pile of paper in the driveway. (Due to over-performance we both skipped the first grade together, solidifying our bond even further.) Before Beau I felt like a mistake in human form – I was too short, too quiet, too this, too that. But he became my partner. He’s more outgoing and popular than I ever was, but he was always by my side at the same time – we were a package deal.

  But in the last six or eight months, I’ll admit that he’s had so many girls revolving around him, it kept him from hanging out with me as much – he was simply too busy with the girls.

  “Fuck,” I say soon, still tense and distracted and frustrated.

  “What?”

  “Do you really wanna know?”

  “Sure.”

  “It’s just…I haven’t been laid in so long. We were rocky for a while, so we weren’t hooking up as much, and then I came on this trip. I’m really fucking horny at this point, actually.”

  He turns away a bit. “Ah. I know what you mean. Megan wouldn’t have sex with me for the last two weeks. She said we had to figure out our relationship first.”

  “Well that sucks.”

  “Except I didn’t get ‘sucked’ at all...”

  My breath catches, but I try not to show my reaction. For some reason I am struck by the face of my cousin, Todd. Over a drunken game of cards after my great aunt Cathi’s funeral last year, he confessed that sometimes when he’s really horny, he gets off with his male friends. He said that sometimes they just jack off in the same room to some porn, but sometimes they suck and even finger each other – but he claimed he was straight, and that he was just “using his friends’ bodies for pleasure.” It sounded like textbook homosexuality to me, but I didn’t care anyway, so I didn’t think much of it. Now, though, it’s certainly more of an issue in my mind. Especially after that article. I’m here for seven days and I’m too exhausted and discouraged to go out and spend multiple nights wooing and meeting and charming girls. I want sex now, without trying. Maybe we could work something out…

  Or am I being crazy? Did my quarter-bottle of vodka contribute to a random train of thought? Or am I really considering this? And would I even enjoy that?

  And what would Beau think of this? Would I drive him away, and would he “out” me to everyone and ruin our vacation?

  Then again, suddenly I remember that he did choose to enter a hot tub naked and alone with another guy…

  I pause again. Some of our friends are openly dismissive and condescending about the whole gay issue, some don’t care, and a few have voiced support for friends of ours that have come out. Largely it’s not really an issue, though – my dad told me that only uneducated people would ever have an aggressive problem with gay people. I can’t remember Beau ever really giving a shit, but then again, who really knows?

  And then I remember – two summers ago, at Caitlin Ebbert’s lake house. Nothing really happened, but then again, something did. I walked in on Beau masturbating in a bedroom, and in the split-second between the time I barged in and then turned to leave, at the time I thought I saw a bit of curiosity in his eye – maybe even an invitation to join him. Instead of jumping up or covering himself, he just stared at me, his (large) dick in his hands. It was almost like he was…offering himself to me. We never talked about it, and I never mentioned it again. But what did that moment mean? And why did I just bury it away without any further analysis?

  Suddenly the tip of his dick bobs in and out of a pile of bubbles, up at the surface of the water. Then it disappears underwater again. Just as before, the sight of his cock sends a curious jolt down my legs, a jolt I’ve never felt before. Or have I felt it, and I just didn’t notice or care because I was too distracted by the women in my life?

  “Hey,” he says.

  “Yeah?”

  “Remember Jamie Ross’ house?”

  My breath hitches – of course I do. At Jamie’s sleepover we played Spin the Bottle, but the losers had to jack off together and see who could shoot the furthest while everyone watched. Neither of us got picked, but I watched from next to him as two guys from the soccer team masturbated together across the room.

  “Yeah,” I say a little nervously. “Wow. Kids are…weird, huh?”

  “I guess. But…”

  “Yeah?”

  “Did you dislike it?”

  “Um. No. Did you?”

  He moves his leg away – only his knee is showing, but I still notice it. “I mean…not really. Honestly it was kind of…exciting.”

  Whatever the case, this confirms it – I could totally get off with him tonight. With Beau Lindemann. He’s thinking about the same thing, and we’re both single and drunk and bored…

  Maybe I just want to jack it with him, and that’s all. Just the thrill of being naked with him could be the thing turning me on – maybe that’s it, and I just want another set of eyes on me as I please myself.

  His dick appears and disappears in the bubbles again. The skin is smooth and pale and supple. He doesn’t notice the little show he’s performing, and I don’t tell him – I’m enjoying the view too much.

  “I have something crazy to say,” I tell him soon, after taking one last shot of lukewarm vodka.

  “…Yeah?”

  “Well. We’re both single, and the bride’s party isn’t even getting here for days. So we don’t have access to women for, like, a good while.”

  “Yeah…”

  I inhale, my heart thundering. “Are you sure you want me to say this?”

  “Just say it!”

  I swallow one more sip of alcohol, then halfway face him again. “You know, it’s funny – people are getting more…open now.”

  “Open about…what?”

  “Open about…stuff. About sexuality, and all that. You know my cousin Ty in Savannah is super gay, right?”

  “Yeah, he’s pretty cool.”

  “And he’s living a great life. It’s not just him, either. There are all kinds of genders in Time magazine, all kinds of sexualities. Maybe you can be something else, if you want. Anything. Or nothing at all. The other day I read a news report about pansexual people. Apparently they don’t look for gender in a partner, only personality. And there are friends who hook up, too – guy friends. Pretty modern. Pretty cool…”

  He eyes me more intensely, then swigs from my bottle. “Okay…where are you going with this?”

  “Who knows,” I say, my voice wavering. “All I’m saying is that maybe on this trip I should start thinking about…other things. Maybe sometimes…friction is friction. Sometimes a mouth is a mouth. Sometimes…a hole is a hole…”

  A jolt runs down my legs again. There it was – the mention of it. The fruition of our teasing and alluding and dancing around the subject. But what will he say?

  A long, agonizing silence stretches between us. Then he laughs and looks away. “I mean…”

  “What? What is it?”


  His face as red as the flip-flops he was wearing when he came in, he glances away. “Well…once, in kindergarten, I got sent to the principal’s office for pulling down my pants and showing my dick to a boy named Taylor Perez.”

  “Oh. Why?”

  His eyes glow, then spark. “I don’t know. I think I was…well, testing boundaries. Playing around. Being curious.”

  “Have you ever…done that since? Besides the stuff we’ve talked about before?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe.”

  “Maybe?”

  He reaches down, and I can’t deny it this time – he just touched himself. In front of me.

  My body convulses as he continues.

  “Fine. I’m only saying this because I’m drunk and we’re on vacation in Florida, but…I sucked dick once at Camp Ridgecrest.”

  “Sucked dick?!” I ask with wide eyes. “Wait – our summer camp? Our Christian summer camp?”

  He nods, smiling wildly. “Remember Walker Ridge, the cabin with the showers in the back room? I dropped to my knees and sucked someone off, for like maybe two seconds. Then we got scared.”

  I look away, then swallow. “And…do you remember what you felt?”

  For a moment, only silence. Then he clears his throat a little. “I felt…exhilarated. Dangerous. Thrilled, maybe.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah. But we were all there for six weeks without any girls in sight, so it wasn’t that out of the ordinary. Lots of the boys were doing it. Um, have you ever…?”

  “No. Not that I can remember.”

  “Would you?”

  “I mean, I think it’s obvious, considering that I brought this up…”

  He doesn’t respond. Both of us stare into the water as the air seems to get even hotter and wetter around us. I can’t believe we’ve never talked about any of this explicitly, but then again, I can. What reason did we ever have before now?

  “You know what?” I ask soon. “It’s weird. I’ve been thinking.”

  “About?”

  “It’s just…sometimes I feel like our lives are planned out for us. Everyone we know is so similar – they go to college, graduate, get married, get a job with some corporation that doesn’t give a shit about them. Sometimes I feel like our lives are mapped out at birth, and all we have to do is get from point A to point B. But I don’t want that. Sometimes I want to…blur the lines a little.”

  He blushes, then glances away. “Why are you telling me this?”

  “Because, I mean…it’s vacation, isn’t it? We’re in Florida, aren’t we?”

  He inhales. “Well, sure…and I am single...shit, I guess I would give anything for some hot chicks to come suck me off right now…”

  I feel something in the atmosphere change – the air shifts, becomes downright electric. This is it – this is the moment I can move in and see where this is going, and see where it might take me. I might hate the taste of dick, and I might become addicted – who really knows?

  I scoot a little closer on the underwater bench. It is clear that he is hard now, and his dick is long and fat.

  I take a long breath, then clear my throat. “I mean, I’m here, aren’t I? And I have a mouth, too…”

  His eyes meet mine, and I’ve never been so turned on by anyone before – these eyes I have looked into for years are suddenly dark and hooded and pulsing with unbridled desire. “Are you…are you asking me to hook up?”

  I laugh, but it sounds beyond fake. Maybe I need to walk this back a little. “Bro. I’m asking you to forget everything you thought you knew. That’s all. Forget about the rules. They’re changing. The lines are blurring. I was just reading about it, actually. And shit – we’re two single dudes. Who cares, anyway?”

  He takes a deep, slow breath. “So…what now? We…do it?”

  I pause, then look down at my hands. “I don’t know. How…big are you?”

  He laughs in a casual way that makes me a little more comfortable. “How would I know? I’ve never, like, gotten out a ruler or anything. Wanna compare? Like back in the summer camp days?”

  My breath catches in my throat. “Um, sure…”

  I push myself up on the edge a little. He does the same. And then we do the unthinkable – we clutch ourselves and then study each other’s dicks.

  Don’t get hard, don’t get hard, don’t get hard…

  “Not bad,” he says, looking down at me. “You’re pretty…thick.”

  “Well look at that thing,” I choke. “That would impale me.”

  “I’m not that big. Here, let’s see closer.”

  I scoot towards him a little, my pulse quickening. I angle myself toward him, and he holds himself in his hand, facing me.

  “There we go…” he says, holding them almost against each other. “Yep, looks like I’m an inch, maybe two inches bigger.”

  I don’t even know what to say. This close to him, it’s like the air is radiating, exploding…

  “Whoa,” he says, looking down at my cock. “You’re, um – you’re getting hard.”

  I can feel myself growing, but I turn my head. “No I’m not.”

  To my horror, I get harder, harder, harder, and there’s nothing I can do.

  “Uh, yes you are…”

  “I am not!”

  When I’m practically throbbing, I hide it with my arm.

  “Fuck,” I spit, leaning over, and then my best friend shocks the hell out of me by saying this:

  “I didn’t say I disliked it.”

  I look over at him, transported by the need I see in his eyes. The moment is here, and I want this.

  “Touch me,” I say.

  “What? Where?”

  “Just touch me anywhere, Beau,” I say, more quietly. “I need to feel someone. I need to feel that I’m not sitting here alone.”

  This really seems to get to him. He sits taller, scoots forward, takes a breath, and then finally puts his hand on my pec.

  I press my eyes closed, then open them again. Instantly my skin is warmed to a degree that couldn’t just be due to the contact. There was some magic there, too. I felt it.

  “How do I feel?” I ask.

  “It feels…firm, and warm. Like…a man. And hey, are you still getting harder?”

  I shrug. “Maybe I am. No comment.”

  He pulls his hand back, but he doesn’t move away. Instead I am the one reaching up now, and lightly I place my finger on his chest. I trace my way from his nipple to his clavicle and then down to his bellybutton. Neither of us are breathing. Then, I pause…

  “So,” he says, his voice pained.

  “I guess it’s time to let me touch your dick…”

  He doesn’t say anything. This is the tensest air I can remember breathing in years.

  “I mean, unless you’re scared?” I ask. He’s hesitant, and I know this will reach him. If I ever really wanted him to do something, I’d just accuse him of being chicken. He would run a million miles if it meant proving someone wrong.

  Sure enough, he sets his jaw. “No. I’m not scared.”

  “Yes you are. You’re being a wimp. This is just two dudes getting off together. What’s the problem?”

  “Fuck you,” he says, and before I know what is happening, he is leaning forward and taking my hand and slipping it onto his shaft.

  “Oh,” I say, stunned. “Oh.”

  “Yep. There’s my dick. My fat dick. The dick that’s been hanging five feet away from you, your whole life. How is it?”

  My body is rocked from head to toe. “Um, you’re getting hard, and you’re…kinda huge. Like, ‘porn star’ huge,” I say as I clutch his dick, not even believing what is happening.

  He picks himself up and fully sits on the edge of the Jacuzzi. Now only his shins and feet are in the water. “And? Weren’t you going to suck it, so I can prove I’m not afraid?”

  My whole body clenches. “Um, okay, just let me get used to it for a second. Give me a little time...”

  I lea
n in and feel around. It’s…really big, I can’t lie. It’s paler than I expected, and it hangs almost halfway down his leg. His balls are large, too. It doesn’t repulse me, though. If anything I’m strangely attracted to something that looks like a blind mole rat. Who would’ve thought that these parts could add up to a whole that was so weirdly enticing?

  As I feel around, he leans back and moans. He’s really enjoying this, too…

  “Okay,” I say. “I’m gonna suck now. Don’t be afraid to tell me if I do it wrong.”

  “You won’t. God, just suck my dick, Nathan,” he laughs. “It’s not too complicated.”

  I take a breath. Lick my lips. Lean forward.

  Three…two…one…

  Contact.

  Beau Lindemann

  “Wait,” I say just as his tongue hits my skin. My best friend – my very best friend – is half-naked against me, begging me to hook up with him. How did this happen? How did we get here? This is one of the most dangerous things I’ve ever done – he is my brother, and if I lose him, I would live in the dark forever.

  But at the same time, why do I suddenly want this so badly?

  “Yeah?”

  “Hold on.”

  “Oh, do you need some enticing? Scared again, are we?”

  He creeps up and reaches an arm across my shoulder. When did this arm get so…muscled? “Look, this is just about pleasure. Just between friends.”

  “But…” I breathe, and his stubble against my ear makes me hard as granite. “But we played in sandboxes together…”

  “And I’d like to play in beds with you now. So?”

  I lean away, but he knows I want it. “But we took baths together as babies…”

  “And now we can take showers together as adults. What changed?”

  He leans back down and starts pawing at my dick, which somehow has gotten even harder.

  “But…but, we went to a fifth-grade dance in the same limo…”

  “And now we can dance together whenever we want. Nothing has changed. Stop.”

  I take a breath and then sigh. “Fine. Suck me. Now.”

  “Your wish is my command, sir,” he smiles, and suddenly it is go time.

  “Ahhh, fuck,” I hear myself moan as he darts forward and slurps up the tip of my dick. Then he starts exploring with his tongue. Okay, maybe he’s my best friend, but my intuition was right – he is good. Better than Megan, to be honest. She didn’t know my body; she didn’t know what I liked. Sex with her was like trying to read novels in languages we didn’t understand.